I saw the text and it made me smile – I mean, really smile – in a way I realized later I don’t smile anymore. I guess there are smiles that feed on memory and history and no matter how good of a time you’re having, your smile will never reach the depths of those which sprout up from certain situations.
My brother Jarrod and I used to sneak up on each other and shout that – blah! – to try to startle the other. Not “boo!” or “AH!”, always “blah!”. I don’t know how it started but it definitely began as a joke. Everything started out as a joke with us. That way, when it got repeated over and over, in newer and more creative ways, it was always funny.
Aaaaaaaah!! You scared me! I texted back. I didn’t say, Well, hi, I haven’t had a text from you in years. I was surprised by the contact but not displeased. There was no anxiety that came along with seeing his name on my phone, as there would have been with many others in my family. I didn’t have to take deep breaths before carefully constructing my response. It was just…funny.
Ha, you got it! was his reply. Then, Love ya sis.
I told him of course I’d gotten it, that scare tactic is seared into my memory. Then I said I’d been talking about he and his family just a couple of hours ago, he must have felt my vibe.
It was the word our grandma used to say instead of ‘probably’. As is my curse lately, it made me feel suddenly very sentimental and teary – grandma is dead, my brothers and I are far away from each other in every sense of the word, save an hour or so every couple of years when I visit home.
I had just been talking about family not an hour before, and this morning while doing dishes, thinking of my older brothers and how we’ve all gone in our own wayward directions, even those who live in the same state as each other. This sometimes makes me feel incredibly sad, and lost. Most times, though, it makes me feel nothing. I’m not sure which is worse.
The text made me ache a little. It made me look around as I do from time to time and think, is this my life? But more than that, it made me happy. My brother was thinking about me, and he took a moment out of his very busy, kid- and work- and wife- and church-filled life, to tell me so. And it exactly what I needed.