I’ve never been good at bargaining. Asking for what I want instead of what is being offered has always made me feel uncomfortable, and guilty. We’d just finished an in-person argument, continued from an increasingly mud-slinging email argument. We’d sat out on my balcony with cocktails and a few seconds of small talk before we... Continue Reading →
Happiness, Health, Home, Love, Money
I’ve been trying to do that whole ‘mantra’ thing lately; the one that everyone tells you to do. You know - put out to the Universe what you want, and eventually you’ll get it? That thing. I’ve attempted various methods - trying to make it feel less futile - but I think the Universe is... Continue Reading →
Tinkerbell, Uncaged
When I was 19 I lived alone in Kalamazoo, Michigan after a failed attempt to move to California. I'd gone out to a town called Moraga with my friend Heather, but left when she fell in love with a hair dresser from Malibu. She moved in with him, I moved back home, tail between my... Continue Reading →
Dinner with Ollie
During my last winter in Michigan, I hated people, with a passion. I wanted to be left alone. Until I didn't want to be alone, and then I visited my friends, joined in their parties, posed in pictures looking happy. One house I visited often was in the student ghetto of downtown Kalamazoo. My friend... Continue Reading →
The Hair Pile
The other morning I was showering, trying to be quick but instead thinking about my hair pile. I have long hair, and when I shower - especially when I wash and condition it - I end up with dozens and dozens of loose strands of it tangled in my fingers, set free from the agitation... Continue Reading →
Note to Self
August 1st I met a really hot guy last night. I was so fucking drunk. Note to Self: Don’t make super-drunk first impression on hot guys. They will always think you’re kinda sloppy. Something compelled me to go to my neighbor’s party across the street, even though I was already drunk and feeling sorry for... Continue Reading →
Oh God. Ohgod ohgod.
My boyfriend offered me a drawer in his dresser for my stuff, and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I'm pretty sure he didn't notice, because I'm good at hiding things like that. Instead of spitting it out onto his bare feet I swallowed it like any properly-raised country girl would... Continue Reading →
My Compassionate Nature
Last Spring I was in Chicago, waiting for some tortilla soup in a little Mexican restaurant near my friend Nayt's apartment. It was my last night in town, and we'd had a mild disagreement, after which I told him that I loved him unconditionally, but was going out for something to eat. I initially sat... Continue Reading →
The Scabs. The Scars.
The other night I got lost while trying to prove a point. I was running in the cold dark of night, and took a wrong turn in a somewhat sketchy part of Santa Rosa. Not too sketchy, but you know, when you're super hot like I am, you need to be careful. I stopped to... Continue Reading →
Amanda Janik 