Two Aprils ago, Paulie and I decided to break up. There were valid reasons for both of us, which made sense at the time, but clearly they didn't stick because as you know we are again a couple: living together, breathing together, laughing together, growling together. Yes, growling; it wasn't a typo. But growing, too -... Continue Reading →
Hanging Out With Dani Burlison
When I got a text from Dani inviting me over I felt flattered, as usual. It had been a while since she'd invited me to hang out - the last time had started out fine, but then I drank more than was perhaps necessary and had proceeded to talk about blowjobs for her teenage daughter's YouTube channel.... Continue Reading →
The Accident
I once had a sweet little motorcycle. It was a gift from my friend Anders, who was an avid rider. I'd been depressed and was having a hard time making connections after my move from Michigan to Monterey, California. Anders called me up one day with a solution. "I think you need a motorcycle," he said.... Continue Reading →
After the Fight
“We need to learn to fight better,” he said. “I think the problem with us getting along so well all the time is that when something goes wrong, we don’t know how to figure it out!” What he said was true. We would disagree, gently, quietly, and then step away from each other, overly frustrated... Continue Reading →
I Wrote a Will.
I have this neighbor. I like her. I think she's cool and she does interesting things that I'd like to know how to do, but I'm shy so instead of asking her how, I just get drunk and then text her about...I don't even know. She's very patient. One night we invited she and her... Continue Reading →
My Power Friend
Today is my birthday. As usual, I received a large box from my oldest and dearest friend, Jessica. In it, I found a wrapped gift with this disclaimer: About a year ago, Paulie and I broke up. Shortly after, I had a vivid and powerful dream about an elephant and Paulie. Rather than try to... Continue Reading →
I wore your shirt, it kept me warm
The one that says 'I *heart* my planet' It's even too big for you and on me, I'm swimming. But when I saw it on the laundry pile in my bathroom, I pulled off my old camp shirt with one hand, reaching behind with my one good shoulder and grabbing at the cotton until it was off. The night... Continue Reading →
The Good With the Bad
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It's difficult for me to hold a grudge, but I make a few exceptions. Apologies go a long way with me. If you've hurt me, and acknowledge that you understand you've done so and say a simple "I'm sorry," then we... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Acceptance
On the day everything began to feel okay again, I felt like an ice sculpture slowly starting to melt. That morning I’d said goodbye to a dear friend after a too-brief visit. She’d given me a pep-talk in only the way she knows how, in that I actually listened and didn’t get angry at the... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Anger & Depression
I asked for Anger because the Depression was weighing too heavily on me. I didn't intend for them to become as intertwined as a couple of Siamese serpents constantly trying to swallow each other's heads. Anger does not come naturally to me, which usually serves me well. In the case of my breakup and my... Continue Reading →
Amanda Janik 