I promised you a recap of what I've been up to in the nearly 3 years I've been hanging out with the crickets, and I promised it wouldn't be very much. But I lied! So much has happened! When Covid started I was just starting to crawl out of a 2-year stage of introversion and... Continue Reading →
Me and Joni Mitchell
I climbed back into bed after wishing my Paulie safe travels for the weekend, only to find that the bed is too vast and cold and now my life is one big Joni Mitchell song until he returns. If Joni Mitchell had a seven-year-old daughter climbing into bed with her every few minutes to warm the coldest-ever toes... Continue Reading →
After the Fight
“We need to learn to fight better,” he said. “I think the problem with us getting along so well all the time is that when something goes wrong, we don’t know how to figure it out!” What he said was true. We would disagree, gently, quietly, and then step away from each other, overly frustrated... Continue Reading →
Love, Love, Love.
I have been absolutely, unequivocally, mind-bogglingly overcome with love lately. Regardless of where I am in my life - physically, geographically or emotionally - it finds me. At work, driving home, sitting on the couch reading - it will gently roll up onto me and suddenly I'm filled with all-out kick ass Love. Love! Nothing... Continue Reading →
I Don’t Even Know What to Think of You
When Dennis and I started dating, a soft golden light shone on everything. I collected fine things at that time in my life. I would bring Dennis home to show off all of my odd pretty things, and then I would sit him down on my twenty-dollar couch with a 7 & 7 and Nina... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Anger & Depression
I asked for Anger because the Depression was weighing too heavily on me. I didn't intend for them to become as intertwined as a couple of Siamese serpents constantly trying to swallow each other's heads. Anger does not come naturally to me, which usually serves me well. In the case of my breakup and my... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Bargaining
I’ve never been good at bargaining. Asking for what I want instead of what is being offered has always made me feel uncomfortable, and guilty. We’d just finished an in-person argument, continued from an increasingly mud-slinging email argument. We’d sat out on my balcony with cocktails and a few seconds of small talk before we... Continue Reading →
Happiness, Health, Home, Love, Money
I’ve been trying to do that whole ‘mantra’ thing lately; the one that everyone tells you to do. You know - put out to the Universe what you want, and eventually you’ll get it? That thing. I’ve attempted various methods - trying to make it feel less futile - but I think the Universe is... Continue Reading →
Dinner with Ollie
During my last winter in Michigan, I hated people, with a passion. I wanted to be left alone. Until I didn't want to be alone, and then I visited my friends, joined in their parties, posed in pictures looking happy. One house I visited often was in the student ghetto of downtown Kalamazoo. My friend... Continue Reading →
Oh God. Ohgod ohgod.
My boyfriend offered me a drawer in his dresser for my stuff, and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I'm pretty sure he didn't notice, because I'm good at hiding things like that. Instead of spitting it out onto his bare feet I swallowed it like any properly-raised country girl would... Continue Reading →
Amanda Janik 