The one that says 'I *heart* my planet' It's even too big for you and on me, I'm swimming. But when I saw it on the laundry pile in my bathroom, I pulled off my old camp shirt with one hand, reaching behind with my one good shoulder and grabbing at the cotton until it was off. The night... Continue Reading →
The Good With the Bad
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It's difficult for me to hold a grudge, but I make a few exceptions. Apologies go a long way with me. If you've hurt me, and acknowledge that you understand you've done so and say a simple "I'm sorry," then we... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Acceptance
On the day everything began to feel okay again, I felt like an ice sculpture slowly starting to melt. That morning I’d said goodbye to a dear friend after a too-brief visit. She’d given me a pep-talk in only the way she knows how, in that I actually listened and didn’t get angry at the... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Anger & Depression
I asked for Anger because the Depression was weighing too heavily on me. I didn't intend for them to become as intertwined as a couple of Siamese serpents constantly trying to swallow each other's heads. Anger does not come naturally to me, which usually serves me well. In the case of my breakup and my... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Bargaining
I’ve never been good at bargaining. Asking for what I want instead of what is being offered has always made me feel uncomfortable, and guilty. We’d just finished an in-person argument, continued from an increasingly mud-slinging email argument. We’d sat out on my balcony with cocktails and a few seconds of small talk before we... Continue Reading →
Happiness, Health, Home, Love, Money
I’ve been trying to do that whole ‘mantra’ thing lately; the one that everyone tells you to do. You know - put out to the Universe what you want, and eventually you’ll get it? That thing. I’ve attempted various methods - trying to make it feel less futile - but I think the Universe is... Continue Reading →
How’s the Weather?
I've been thinking about death lately. Not in the 'what happens after we die' sort of existential questioning kind of way some think about death. More in the 'how will I feel when my mother dies' kind of way. I don't speak to my mother much. The last time it was to say "I don't... Continue Reading →
The Curse
My friend over at The Edited Self is a curious and brilliant thinker, who asks difficult questions and makes sometimes painful observations. I love her for this because it often makes me feel squirmy and uncomfortable, but it always gets me pondering things I don't often choose to ponder, and there's never any harm in... Continue Reading →
Optimism. Hmph.
The first thing I saw on the computer this morning was from an engagement photo shoot. I don't know the couple. I thought "Psht, do people actually do that? Man, if I ever got talked into getting engaged, let alone taking engagement photos, there would only be two pictures: One of my guy and I... Continue Reading →
The Five Stages of Grief: Denial
I called it Shock. Though, in the days leading up to the final break, the calm decision, the acknowledgement of what we both knew was coming, we were in denial. Can you go through this stage before the stages are even meant to begin? Back and forth, we tried to get it out. We spoke... Continue Reading →
Amanda Janik 